Should I ask my husband to apologize?
Should I ask my husband to apologize?
QUESTION: My husband and I don’t agree when it comes to apologizing to our children after we have yelled at them.
I usually feel terrible afterward and I tell my kids that I’m sorry. But my husband is very proud.
Even when he tells me that he does feel bad after he has yelled, he thinks it is a sign of weakness to apologize to them.
SUGGESTION: Being married to someone does not guarantee that we will see eye to eye on every aspect of child rearing.
Even if we determined that we were mostly in sync with our partner before having children together, there are still countless opportunities to disagree.
Chances are your husband is patterning his behavior on that of his father or of an important role model from his childhood.
These early impressions are powerful. Don’t lecture, advise, berate, or criticize him for his unwillingness to apologize to your children.
If you come across as his scolding, shaming parent, you will only flip on the switch of his resistance.
If your husband sees you acting with integrity around your kids — meaning he observes you taking responsibility for your actions — and subsequently notices your children being respectful and cooperative with you, he may eventually conclude that apologizing is a sign of strength, not weakness.
But you will have to let him find his own way.
If you judge him, he will only more staunchly defend his actions.
Author: Dr Dawood Vaid is a full time parent and a part time marriage coach!