Traffic Light Parenting

What is common between a Parent and the Traffic lights?
Both give instructions! And it’s mostly RED!

PARENTING LESSON in nutshell

Parents, especially fathers, tend to postpone the quality time and are unable to set a routine to spend more time with their kids. 3 minutes is an average that a father spends with the child every day. Here is how you can change all that!

Our conversations with our children are abrupt and mostly monotones. This instructional approach to upbringing is the ‘Rules of traffic’ model.

Parents explain to their children how to behave, assuming that they taught the rules of behavior as they did the rules of traffic. What you try to teach a child doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll get through to them.

For example, a teenager was told “a thousand times” that stealing was wrong yet the teen continued to do so. The problem of parenting, in this case, is not that they tried to teach him the right thing, but that they considered parenting as a single, narrow minded method of parenting, without fulfilling the range of parental duties.

Gem: It is like a one way road with only the parent speaking and NO ENTRY for the children!

The Movie & Chicken feed

A father and his two sons were alone at home. The sons come to father and tell him they want to see a movie. The father reminds then that the movie has about 15 minutes of not very advisable clipping and dialogues.

The sons seem adamant. “Come on Dad, its just 15 minutes, the whole 2 hours are fine,” they argued. Instead of arguing and telling them not to go, the father decides to teach them a practical lesson.

He says, we still have 30 minutes for the movie, “Can we bake some biscuits?” The kids are like, “Sure.”

They make the dough, add the ingredients and now it’s time to bake the cookies for 5 minutes in the Microwave. Just as they are about to bake them, the father asks his sons to go to their backyard and get some excreta of the hen.

The sons are like, “dad was ok just now, what happened to him suddenly!” But they were too keen to go to the movie and did not mind this nonsense. The father put the hen’s excreta on top of the biscuits and put them for baking.

In no time, nice and hot brown biscuits were ready. The father offers them but they are like, “are you sure, we should eat them!” Well, the dirt is only 2% of the whole biscuit, what is the problem.

Do you think the message has been conveyed? But of course, as a good father he would not have stopped here, but taken his kids for another movie or a restaurant or some theme park.

Parenting tip: Always find an alternative if you refuse them from something.

A myth called ‘tomorrow’

Much has been said about the mother’s role and that is why I keep talking about the dads. Perhaps you can call it a bias, but as a father of three lovely daughters myself, I see an obligation first from me to my family and would like to encourage other fathers too!

It has been estimated that working fathers spend about 3 minutes a day with their children.

Here is a classic scenario: Dad gets up early, takes the long drive to work, gets off late, takes the long drive home, and gets home very tired. He just wants to have dinner, relax a little, and go to bed so that he can repeat the same routine the next day. Every now and then, he tells himself that he will spend more time with his children tomorrow.

How much time do you spend with your children in the day? Not just in the same house, but together — really together.

Productive Benefits of spending time with your kids:

⦁ Children begin to enjoy your company.
⦁ Your words become credible.
⦁ They love to accompany you and not drag their feet like most children who are forced to.
⦁ Children are more open and willing to share their fears, concerns or dreams.

A popular song talks about the sad story of a boy who always tries to spend time with his father, but always finds him too busy. When the boy grows up and the father gets older, the father always wants to spend time with his son, but his son always has other things to do.

Gem: Remember today is a gift, tomorrow a myth – in the parenting cycle.

Magical Bond

An absentee father spends long hours working or engaged in voluntary community service, at the expense of time with his family. Rather, spend a balanced time at the community centre and at home as well.

For example, sit with your child and talk about maths in football. Yes, the new goal line technology or how is speed of Messi equal to distance and time taken for shooting the goal!

Parenting tip:

⦁ Speak well with kids. Not in monologue
⦁ Explain the reasons for a ‘should do’ or ‘should not do’ task
⦁ Break free of your office routine to spend time with your children.
⦁ The first recipients of your good conduct should be your family.

Get ACTIVE with your children. They need you.

Action Step 1: Go cycling, head for the bowling alley, drive to the nearest park with your kids.

Action Step 2: Ensure you call your kids every once in a while for a surprise, “I was missing you,” conversation. It would make their day and yours!

Action Step 3: Let Friday’s or any one day of the week, be their school pick up day with you. So they skip the school bus and you drive them home, but not without stopping over at the Baskin Robbins for a lovely father – son butterscotch!

Gem: People remember routine. Instead of that one big vacation, take small walk every alternate day. Have a family restaurant day once a week. Those stick.

Note: The dine together evening should be a strict no mobile affair. Switch off the mobile or least turn the wi-fi off. Look into your child’s eyes as they speak of their dreams and become a child once again.

Gem: That night you will understand what the poet said, ‘the child is the father of the man!’